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July 2015

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Independence Day

There is something tragically freeing about certain epiphanies in life.

At this moment, the tragically freeing epiphany is the you can literally be the best of the best, and still not be good enough for someone. And that if that happens, that's okay, because the issue is theirs and not yours.

Perhaps we should feel sorry for these people, that having the best of the best doesn't fulfill them. That after being given the moon and the stars and a clean home and bottomless love and commitment and an eager willingness to bend over backwards to accomodate their wants, needs, and plans, that still at the end of the day, it's not good enough for them. They still feel like there's something missing.

These people will be lonely and dissatisfied forever. Why? Because nothing anyone ever does for them will scratch that itch, nothing anyone ever does for them will be good enough. These people will know many people and have many experiences, but will never be fully satisfied because no one and nothing is good enough, there's always something more.

It has to be a tough and lonely life, that no matter how richly you've lived, the people you've known and loved and who have known and loved you, there will always be something missing. How exhausting this must be.

And yet it would seem that some people are destined to live this life, suffer that permanent loneliness and dissatisfaction. This isn't for lack of trying on behalf of the people like me. Oh no, do not be mistaken: we try. We try until there is nothing left and then we try some more. We try at the expense of our own health and happiness. Why? Because we were unfortunate enough to fall in love with these insatiable people and that's just what we do, because people like me love unconditionally and fully.

So when is enough enough? When do you know that you've exhausted all possible resources by all sacrifices and stretches and means possible?

Well, sometimes you just know. And the fireworks boom and go off and explode in brilliant colors much like they did when you met the person you could never satisfy. It becomes then as clear to you now as it does now, each boom surprising you and shaking your chest.

Maybe fireworks are just the Universe's way of letting you know these things. So when they explode, pay attention. Pay attention to each boom and vibration and hue of epiphanical brilliance. Don't be sad. You did all you could do, and then some more.

Happy Independence Day.